DIVERSITY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE

Wouldn't it be boring if everyone was the same! It's the diversity of human experience that makes life interesting. Just think of all the ways we are different: different sexes, different ages, different ethnic backgrounds, different cultures, different occupations, different sexualities, different outlooks on life. The list could go on and on.

Some people cling to the idea that they want to be like everyone else. That's a sad thing. The problem is that they haven't accepted and embraced their own uniqueness. Nothing in creation is the same. The same goes for people. Why would anyone want to be other than he or she was intended to be? Those persons would only miss out on the rich fabric of life. That would be such a waste!


Just like life, the characters in my books embrace a cross section of the human experience. Each of them has his or her own unique personality. Some of them are cranky and downright nasty. That makes for a lot of the fun – especially when two or more of those personalities come to clash.


The truth is that all of my characters and each of us has the capacity to act naughty, nasty, or nice. There's a bit of good in the worst seeming of people. Likewise, each of us has his or her own dark side even if that person is not aware of it. Such is life. Such is also the case with most of my characters. Unfortunately for the prudish Priscilla Bunhead, it's difficult to find any redeeming features within her.


She lives on Dinkledorf Drive in the little hamlet of Bucksnort, Wisconsin. She takes perverse pleasure in judging the differences of her neighbors. She especially dislikes gays and lesbians and she has a definite prejudice against African-Americans. Her greatest pleasure is in digging up the dirt on her neighbors and then finding a way to use it against them.


Priscilla must love nastiness to return to her. Her arch nemesis Martha Mayhem doesn't take any bull from anyone. The problem for Martha is that she's a bit of a bully, but deep down inside she is really a marshmallow. Isn't that usually the case for most bullies?


The high and mighty Lula Mae Bunsaplenty also knows how to deal with the likes of the Priscilla Bunheads of this world. Unlike Martha Mayhem who tends toward the physical, Lula Mae uses her tongue like a weapon. She is a stark contrast to her mild-mannered partner, the sophisticated Jules Jesslike Pappas.

Bucksnort contains a former prostitute who is a Reverend Mothers, a chain-smoking, bourbon-swilling nun, a nun who has a secret contained under her habit, and a gay cowboy, not to mention a number of people who have other secrets. Don't worry! You won't miss out on any of them. Priscilla Bunhead can sniff out a secret a mile away.

One of the purposes of my book is to wake up people to embrace the deliciousness of diversity. I do this using heaping helpings of satirical humor. Just don't sip on a beverage as you're turning the pages of "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude."

Otherwise, the drinks will be on you!

"The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" is available in Paperback Format for $13.95 BUY HERE !

"The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" is available in Kindle Format for $3.99 BUY HERE !

Hope you all enjoy,

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

"Babes in Bucksnort" (Book #2 of a series) by Author Davis Aujourd'hui

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

MORE MISADVENTURES THAT WILL TICKLE YOUR FUNNY BONE!

Here is the first sequel to the highly praised The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude. Once again the unconventional bourbon-swilling, chain-smoking nun will spin outrageously funny new tales about the residents of Bucksnort, Wisconsin while she tests the will of a reformed prostitute who just happens to be her Reverend Mother.

Unfortunately there's trouble brewing in the Snortlands. The nasty and notorious town busybody, Priscilla Bunhead, goes on a crusade to stamp out what she calls the gay menace. That's when she convinces her millionaire friend, Mildred Mayflower, to give away her fortune in order to bring the Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead and his Born Again or Burn Forever Disciples for Jesus to town to do the job. It will be an uphill climb for them when the closet doors of many gay people in the Snortlands burst open. Billy-Bob and his wife, Pinky Poo, will have another battle on their hands when Dimples Dufus, the heiress to the Mayflower fortune, arrives on the scene to reclaim her fortune.

You'll also meet the hilariously bumbling, pothead psychiatrist, Doctor Wally Wacky-Wacko, who creates havoc for one of Sister Mary Olga's favorite fellow nuns. Along with Mildred Mayflower, they become victims of his multi-colored pills that only turn them into zombies. The handsome and virile gay cowboy chef, Randy Cowboy, makes an important self-discovery about his never-ending sexual pursuits when he joins a twelve-step program called Sex Maniacs Notorious.

The irascible Martha Mayhem settles down into comfortable domesticity with her new life partner who happens to be her sister-in law. Martha still manages to stir up trouble on Dinkledorf Drive with her fellow enemies and neighbors, the prudish Priscilla Bunhead and the voluptuous Lula Mae Bunsaplenty. The question that remains is whether Lula Mae's paramour, Jules Jesslike Pappas, will put up with her continuing manipulative feminine wiles.

In between the laughs, Sister Mary Olga continues to dispense nuggets of spiritual wisdom during her classes in Beginner's and Advanced Holiness. Just don't take seats near the flatulent child named Fartley Dinkledorf or his lecherous one-hundred five year-old grandfather, Poopsy. The bottom line is that everyone is welcome in Sister Mary Olga's classes. Join the diverse cast of zany characters for a joy ride that will tickle your funny bone until it aches.

Kindle Versions $3.99

"The Misadventures of Sister of Mary Olga Fortitude"  Purchase Here
"Babes in Bucksnort" Purchase Here
 
Both are also available in Paperback format at Amazon and Barnes and Noble!

Add Sister Mary Olga to the Entertaining List of Unforgettable Nuns

What do you think of when you hear the words comedy, laughter, and a Catholic nun?


As hilarious as that sounds, this isn’t a whole new concept. There have been a few unforgettable nuns over the past several decades. In fact, actress Sally Field starred in a classic television series “The Flying Nun” between 1967 – 1970 as a novice nun in the Daughters of Charity Convent. This fun storyline revolves around her flying ability when she needed to solve a problem that came her way by catching a passing breeze.

There isn't any flying involved in the novel "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude", but there’s a generous amount of smiles, giggles, and laughs. Bourbon swigging and Marlboro inhaling Sister Mary Olga prefers the more direct method of counseling her Advance Holiness students and parishioners.


Life is never boring in the small town of Bucksnort, Wisconsin. Sister Mary Olga has many messages to convey to you about life. Along the way, there are more of her misadventures that’s guaranteed to make you laugh with joy and lighten your day. She makes sure that there are a few life lessons sprinkled in there too for good measure.

Sister Mary had this to say recently:


“I’m sure it’s just a coincidence, but I’ve had a number of parishioners come to me looking for advice. Let’s just say that, in each case, these parishioners have unburdened their souls in much the same manner that one would do during a Holy confession. The only difference is that I’m not bound by the seal of the confessional. With that said, I’m sure that the Lord won’t mind if I tell you some of their stories in order to provide you with the spiritual instruction and illumination.”

Sister Mary Olga didn’t have to receive her Almighty instructions by way of flying either!

Find out more insight from Sister Mary Olga and the wacky town of Bucksnort by picking up a copy of 'The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" (Book 1 of the Series) and "Babes in Bucksnort" (Book 2 of the Series).........Working on 3rd part of the series as I type.

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

Both of the series are available in Paperback for $13.95 or Kindle format for $3.99 at Amazon.
Hope you enjoy! Feel free to leave a review on Amazon or a comment on my blog!

Humor and Laughter Go Together Perfectly

What is laughter?


Laughter is an actual human physiological response to humor. It is what we find funny, that infectious tickle to our funny bone. It’s that tingling feeling that reflects the more you try to stop laughing, the more you want to burst out in uproarious laughter.

Everyone has different levels of what’s actually humorous to them. In case you were ever wondering, laughter is the vocalized, expiratory of involuntary actions. We actually use fifteen facial muscles to simulate this wonderful release. Our respiratory system becomes a little upset with the half-closing of the larynx so that air intake occurs irregularly, making you gasp with glee.

Of course, we’ve all had the more extreme responses of tears rolling down our face, quick gasping of breath, face turning several shades of crimson, and those boisterous bodily shudders. That’s when we know humor is working positive influences on our body in some many wonderful, ticklish ways.

What’s the theory behind “what’s funny”?

There are three scientific theories behind what we know as comical and witty. The incongruity theory suggests that humor comes about when we see logic and familiarity replaced by things that don’t normally go together. The superiority theory occurs when we laugh and joke based on someone else’s mistakes or stupidity. And finally, the relief theory is the basis for movie makers and writers to give their audiences that relief, or rather comic relief, when the tension is high.

In my two novels, "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" and "Babes in Bucksnort" I’ve tried to incorporate all of these wonderful theories of what can strike your funny bone at any given time. Don’t just take my word for it, find out what zany and uproarious antics Sister Mary Olga will let you in on before you burst out laughing unable to catch your breath.

Blog# 1Author Davis Aujourd'hui
Blog #2 The Funniest Satire Series of the Decade

The above works are available in Paperback Format for $13.95 at Amazon.com and Kindle Format
for $3.99. Check them both out today and you will see you will be laughing in no time.

MEET THE SNATCHASNITCHES

One of my latest and greatest challenges comes in the form of a nasty, er...darling, little girl named Senorita Snatchasnitch. Now! I can’t entirely lay the blame at her barely-opened door. Senorita is only eight years old, but she has parents who should have known better than to sow their seeds of selfishness inorder to have their own little Snatchasnitch.

After all, her father, Abner Snatchasnitch, was in his fifties when she was born. Her mother, Lilliliver Lipstick, wasn’t far behind. They were basically two big children who thought that they owed it to themselves, as well as to the world, to birth themselves a baby.

Lilliliver Lipstick had married Abner, a three-time loser in matrimony, when she had been forty-four. Perhaps she had settled in her marriage to a Snatchasnitch. After all, time had been running out and she had wanted her own little Senorita. She had immediately put Abner on the alert that he would be at her
beck and call whenever the basal thermometer suggested the temperature was just right to bake a baby. Abner hadn’t had any problem with that. His pendulum was always ready to swing to kingdom come whenever his lassie was home.

Now! It’s not that I’m calling Lilliliver a dog. She is attractive in her own sort of way. It’s just that she’s badly in need of makeup tips. You see, Lilliliver basically resembles a little boy who has rouged himself up before smearing on bright red “I love Lucy” lipstick. To disguise the passage of the years, Lilliliver had opted to color her stringy and pale, wheat-colored hair. It’s just that the result of her dye job resembles the convent’s dishwater after dinner. Let’s just say that her grooming efforts aren’t exactly electrifying!

Abner isn’t exactly the material for Gentleman’s Quarterly. His Sherlock Holmes look is a bit dated. It makes him appear as if he’s a contemporary of Diddles Dinkledorf who is nearly twenty years his
senior. It’s lucky for Senorita that she has inherited features which resemble those of their handsome milkman, but you didn’t hear that from me!

Anyhow! Senorita is a little Miss Know-it-all who doesn’t care whose face she rubs it in, including mine. She’s a sassy lassie who has intimidated almost all of the other girls, not to mention some of the boys. Something tells me that our little eight year-old is worldly beyond her years. On her second day in class, I caught her showing Fartley Dinkledorf how to swing his own little pendulum to dinkledorf-dom in the class lavatory during recess. Let’s just say that I ended that play period prematurely!

Author Davis Auhourd'Hui

Book Series:
"The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude"   Book #1

"Babes in Bucksnort"  Book #2

MEET DIMPLES DUFUS AND HER NOT SO DARLING DIMPLES II

Dimples Mayflower Dufus had just celebrated her forty-fifth birthday. It hadn’t turned out to be exactly the kind of celebration that she had been expecting. She had arrived home early on the night of the surprise party which she’d demanded for herself. As a matter of fact, she had actually ended up getting herself a surprise. She had found her husband, Rufus, diddling a purple-headed dingbat on the side of their Olympic-sized swimming poo

The very next day she had filed for a divorce from Rufus Dufus. Then she had prepared for a long battle because she had intended to get every nickel of Rufus’ inheritance. That’s when she had found out what Rufus had been doing with their money whenever he’d gone away on a “business trip.” He’d been wining and dining ladies of the night and he’d been spending his own family’s fortune at the roulette tables.

When it had come out that Rufus had even mortgaged away their villa, Dimples had decided to go home to the mother whom she hadn’t seen in fifteen years in order to claim her rightful inheritance. That’s when she had ditched her married name of Dufus and had packed up the only things that she’d had left. That would have been her extensive jewelry collection and a wardrobe that could have filled a modest home. Then, along with her darling Dimples II, she had headed back home to Bucksnort.

Dimples had been a beautiful little blond-haired baby. Her towhead had changed to dark brown by the time she had turned nineteen and had married for the first time. Ever since those days, she’d had her
hairdresser make a weekly trip to touch up her three-color-process dye job at whatever mansion or villa in which she’d resided .

She'd had her boobs enlarged when she’d been twenty-five. That had helped her snag husband number two, the father of Dimples II. Having been a sun goddess to the extreme, she’d had her first face-lift done at the age of thirty-eight to get rid of her sun crinkles. By that time she’d also needed liposuction to get rid of all the pounds of fat she’d put on.

At least she’d had years of gourmet meals and fine wines to thank for that. Of course, she’d also managed to keep her full service bar restocked on a weekly basis. She’d been even thirstier than I! Unfortunately for Dimples, she hadn’t been thirsty for God. She had only been thirsty for whatever God could have done for her.

Dimples had given herself an early forty-fifth birthday present. That had been another face-lift. Unfortunately for Dimples, Dr. Peter Pimplehead had decided to get a little revenge on the beauties who had spurned him in his past. The delicate and darling Dimples was going to become his scapegoat.

When the bandages had been removed from Dimples’ previously perfect face, she had let out a shriek. Dr. Pimplehead had pulled her skin tighter than that of Joan Rivers.

There wasn’t a thing that could be done. There had been no skin left that could have been used to loosen her perpetual look of amazement. Perhaps, after she’d looked at herself in the mirror many times, she would have found other things to be amazed about. How about God, darling Dimples?

One thing was true about Dimples. She was a delicate-looking creature. It’s just that, in her case, her behavior was more like a “creature” than it was like “delicate.” Unlike her mother, Dimples II hadn’t been as blessed in the beauty department. Her broad and upswept cheekbones cast a downward slant on her wide-set eyes. That little girl also had an extremely large mouth in more ways than one, I can assure you!

Her hair was a wiry, mousy-brown, just like that of her Great Aunt Martha when she had been a young girl. She also seemed to inherit Aunt Martha’s gene for short and stout. Nevertheless her mother, Dimples, believed that her daughter was a beauty. Granted, Dimples II wouldn’t be winning the little girl beauty pageants in which her mother had captured many a crown.

There was one thing that this mother and daughter had in common. They were both a couple of spoiled princesses. It’s just that, for Dimples II, her unfortunate looks only served to become a chip upon her shoulder. It was also a chip that would soon become the same size as the chip on the shoulder of her Great Aunt Martha.

As I was saying, little Dimples II wasn’t so little anymore. She had just turned fourteen and she carried more than ten times that much weight on her broad five-foot frame. God had blessed her in one department; she had a chest that would be likely to give her back problems by the time she would become twenty-five. Given her short stature, her chest appeared even more mammoth. That “little” girl had already discovered how to use that to her advantage. I’m certain we’ll hear more about that once she discovers the budding adolescent boys of Bucksnort!

Author Davis Aujourd'Hui
 
Book Series"
Book #1 "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude"
Book #2 "Babes in Bucksnort"

Both are available in Kindle Format for $3.99

What’s in a Name?

Names are tremendously important and they can actually drive our imaginations as we plot a course through our daily lives. It’s a way we make a connection with people, places, and things. Different names mean different things to different people. Many wonderful images come to mind with the words hot fudge sundae, Hawaiian Islands, and freshly baked bread. Just as some unsettling images come to mind with the words dentist, taxes, and death.

The definition of “name” simply means a word or words by which an entity is designated and distinguished from others. Names that identify people are a way that we separate one person from another. From a name, we can then create nicknames or pet names. Names are much more powerful than we realize and the beautiful part of it is that everyone has one.

For example, according to the new Urban Dictionary, the name “Robert” means the most incredible guy in the universe, end of story. He's sweet, caring, and truly amazing. “Tiffanys” are usually very loyal and intelligent people who usually don’t trust many guys. These definitions may sound a bit silly and contrived, but it still helps us to imagine what a “Bob” or a “Tiffany” looks like and how we independently interpret these types of names in our mind's eye.

I’ve decided to put a comical twist on the character names when I created the spunky little town of Bucksnort. If a name can help conjure up an image of a person, then the residents of Bucksnort have won several gold medals in the category of madcap character names. Every time you read some of the character names laughter will billow up from your belly from my new novel The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude.
What does your active imagination invoke with the names of Priscilla Bunhead, Lucy Lovely, and Ms. Lula Mae Bunsaplenty? Oh my! Not to mention, more hilarious townies with the names of Diddles Dinkledorf and Baby Burpee. And one of my personal favorites, perhaps most flagrant or should I say flatulent, Little Fartly Dinkledorf! You won’t be able to contain your laughter and you’ll learn some positive morals along the way.

But don’t just take my word for it! You’ll just have to find out through Sister Mary Olga’s journey of the many entertaining antics in The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude.

Gain Personal Power and Strength Through Playful Communication in All Relationships

I love to laugh. Who doesn’t? It makes your day brighter. It gives you a more positive outlook on life. Good things seem to find their way to you.

It’s so important that we all participate and reap the many benefits from the power of laughter, humor, and play. Laughter is more contagious than any sniffle, sneeze, or cough. Laughter needs to be spread around for everyone to enjoy.

We live in a stressful world and it’s difficult not to get caught up in constant worries. We will always have to face challenges and obstacles that we need to overcome. Why not have some fun in the process? A key benefit to gaining personal strength is connecting with others through laughter and play.

Playful communication with all your relationships has many solid benefits to help to gain personal power and strength to overcome anything thrown your way.

Here’s what you can do to achieve some of these wonderful feelings and enjoy life more.

1. Be creative - use humor and playfulness to inspire creative thinking and problem solving skills.

2. Smooth over differences - hone your gentle skills to handle sensitive subjects and resolve disagreements.

3. Connect with others – it’s extremely important for the quality of your relationships to have laughter because it brings people together.

4. Put things into perspective – nothing is ever as bleak as you think it is, so step back and readjust your thinking. Take things in stride, you’ll bounce back faster.

5. Gain relaxation and energy – laughter and fun relieves tension and fatigue. It relaxes your body, recharges your internal battery, and makes it possible to accomplish more in life.

Here’s some great advice from Mary Sister Olga about not enjoying life and gaining a more positive outlook.

“I pray that some day she’ll wake up and smell the coffee. If only she’d use her high-spiritedness for good instead of dwelling on the ways to get even with people, she’s made a marvelous example for other people who’ve gotten stuck in the victim trap.”

For more of Mary Sisters Olga’s wisdom and insight, check out "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" Book #1 and "Babes in Bucksnort"

Have you laughed yet today?

Both are available in Kindle and Paperbook Formats. Kindles are Priced at $3.99

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

True Friendship Comes in All Shapes and Sizes

"Your friend is the one who knows all about you, and still likes you."
- Elbert Hubard

"A friend is one who walks in when others walk out."
-Walter Winchell

Friendship is defined as the cooperative and supportive relationship between two or more people. It’s the center of our lives because it builds upon our hopes and dreams. In some ways, true friendships are stronger and more fulfilling than family relationships. You are very lucky to have one really “true” friend that you can count on when times are good, and when times are bad.

It’s easy to think about great friends. It’s those genuine souls that make you laugh, share great times, and to grow wiser with age and wisdom. Remember back when there was a specific time that you couldn’t have made it through without the support of your friends? Was it illness, grief, marriage, divorce, new job, or a memorable trip? Past memories and looking forward to the future can’t be underestimated in the value of a true friendship.

A shared or favorite activity boosts friendship to a higher level. Laughter, humor, and fun go hand in hand. It lifts the spirits and allows for growth and understanding to bloom. It should be passed on to others at every opportunity. You never know when or how a great friendship will thrive, but it’s a wonderful gift that can’t be taken for granted. Sometimes the most unlikely person becomes a true, life long friend.

Take a moment and think of a good friend that you’ve not spoken to in a while. Pick up the phone and call them – just for the heck of it. That’s the beautiful thing about friends, when you get back in touch it seems like there hasn’t been any time that has passed.

“I get by with a little help from my friends.”
-John Lennon

"The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" Book 1

"Babes in Bucksnort" Book 2
Kindle Version on sale for $3.99

One of Sister Mary Olga's Drinking Partners Amand Ann Adult

Amanda Ann Adult was the convent's once-a-week baker. She was also a local radio celebrity. On her show, she would teach all of the Snortland's aspiring cooks how to make delicious meals for their families. Just like me, she would always apply herself to her tasks with some healthy nips of heavenly spirits. While bourbon was my spirit of choice, Amanda Ann preferred vodka.

On this particular evening, I found her in the convent's kitchen where I was sure to find some intoxicating refreshments on hand. As I've already said, I wasn’t the only thirsty soul in Bucksnort.
I breezed into the kitchen where I found Amanda Ann with her head bent over an open oven. “Shit!” she exclaimed.

“What’s the matter?” I asked.

She quickly whirled around like a top. Even so, not so much as a single hair on her lacquered head fell out of place as she whirled around and shouted, “I forgot to put the yeast into the bread dough! Now I’ve got to start all over from scratch!”

“Oh dear!” I muttered. “It sounds as if this calls for a drink.”

“You’ve got that damn right, Sister!” she exclaimed. Then she whirled around in another dizzying circle as she zeroed in on her quarry. That would have been her big bottle of vodka. She marched over to the counter with a single-minded purpose and she snatched up that bottle from which she poured herself a generous glass.

After taking a couple of long gulps, she turned to me and asked, “Would you care to join me?”

“Don’t mind if I do!” I chirped with a broad smile.

“You could have fooled me!” she proclaimed with a sarcastic sneer. Then she took another long swallow from her glass before she finally produced a smile. “Now that’s better!” she exclaimed. “So what are you waiting for? Get yourself a glass before I drain this bottle!”

That was all it took to propel me into action. I grabbed a tall tumbler from the kitchen cupboard and I held it out before her while I waited for her to fill it to the rim. Then I took my own long, greedy gulp before I asked her what I thought might be an innocent question. “So,” I said. “How’s your brother, Jules?”

“Pussy-whipped, that’s what!” exclaimed his Caucasian sister. I didn’t quite catch her meaning, but I wasn’t going to have to wait long for an explanation. “As to the ‘how’ part of your question, it has to do with the cow who’s been freeloading off him since last Thanksgiving.”

It didn’t take much imagination to guess that she was talking about Lula Mae Bunsaplenty. “Now, Amanda Ann,” I counseled her as she started to mix the ingredients for a new batch of bread dough. “Surely you’re not making a judgment!”

“I damn well am and I don’t care!” she barked back as she took a final slug of her vodka. “That fat, lazy, black-assed floozy thinks she’s got my brother wrapped around her pudgy pinky finger! I told him that I’d set a roasted turkey on his front porch. Then all he’d have to do would be to wait for Miss High and Mighty to catch a whiff of it. She’d wag that big tail of hers faster than a bitch in heat in order to get out there and grab herself a turkey leg!”

“That’s when Jules would only need to throw out her suitcase and car keys after her, slam the door shut, and turn the bolt. I’m sure that’s all it would take to get that big cow to jump into her Cadillac and hightail it out of town in a huff. Of course, I’d never see my roasting pan again, but that would be a small price to pay in order to get rid of her!”

“What would make you say a thing like that?” I exclaimed. “Surely Lula Mae’s got some redeeming features!”

“The only redeeming features that broad’s got are those two huge jugs that she likes to jiggle in front of my brother’s nose! That only turns his legs into Jello. The next thing you know, he’s falling down onto his bed and getting straddled by a cow! It’s just too bad that he can’t get a gallon or two of milk out of it for all of his efforts!”

“Amanda Ann!” I exclaimed as I took a slug out of my own glass. “What makes you think that Jules would want to get rid of her?”

“He’s got rocks in his head if he doesn’t want to!” she proclaimed as she poured herself another tall glass. “That woman’s been after his money and now she’s gone and sent him to a shrink!”

“Oh!” I murmured as I thought of Dr. Wally Wacky-Wacko. “I didn’t realize that it had come to that!”

“I call it a crying shame! After all, my brother is eighty-five years-old and he’s no weakling! He’s had to fight prejudice and adversity most of his life as a man of color. Now, when he should be able to enjoy some peace during his golden years, more adversity has come back to him in the form of a black cow.”

I could see that I wasn’t going to get anywhere with Amanda Ann. Her drinks were only fueling the fire and mine were only beginning to cloud my sense of clarity. All I could think of to say was, “Well, as you say, he is a grown man. I’m sure he’ll sort it out! What you might want to remember is that things
always work themselves out in the end.”

“That’s exactly the problem!” she declared. “That woman always uses her end to work Jules around her pinky finger!” With that said, she shook her head violently. Once again, I noticed that not a hair on
her lacquered head moved out of place. I could also see that I wasn’t about to change her thinking. I’d have to leave that one to God.

For now, I decided I’d spent more than enough of my breath. I’d also had enough to drink. What I really wanted was a Marlboro and to offer up a prayer. Perhaps that would direct my breath and my thoughts in a more positive fashion.

I simply shrugged my shoulders and I gave Amanda Ann a smile of resignation. She returned my smile with a scowl. Then I bid her a good afternoon and I walked out of the kitchen as I heard her swearing up a blue streak. Apparently she'd forgotten to put the yeast into her new batch of bread dough.

Author Davis Aujourd'Hui

Sister Mary Olga Book Series:
Book #1 "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude"
Book #2 Just Released - "Babes in Bucksort"

Available in Paperback and Kindle Format ($3.99)

Dr. Wally's Wild Ride

Well now! You've already been introduced to Bucksnort's zany psychiatrist, Dr. Wally Wacky-Wacko. I'm going to let you in on one of his secrets that will be in the next book in the series. I only ask that you promise not to tell anyone. We wouldn't want to spoil the surprise!

For a brief time, Dr. Wally had a teenage patient by the name of Dimples II Dufus. She was an heiress to the Mayflower fortune. She was also a spoiled brat with a most unpleasant disposition. Furthermore, she was the most unfortunate looking young lady.

She had thin wheat-colored hair. She was short and stout like her belligerent aunt, Martha Mayhem. Her plump face had the most disconcerting effect on those whom she met. She had wide set eyes with a downward slant. Her one redeeming feature was that she had a well-endowed bosom. It's just that she would undoubtedly have back problems by the time she was thirty. Let's just say that she was rather disproportionate!

Dimples II spent some time on the psychiatrist's couch and Dr. Wally eventually spent some time on top of her. Several months later, Dimples II's bared belly button looked like a blinking eye on a watermelon.

Dimples II's mother assumed that her pregnancy was caused by Dimples II's cousin, Muchmore Mayhem. Dimples II didn't dissuade her from that opinion. Dimples II had a reason to keep the real identity of the unborn baby's father a secret. She planned to blackmail Dr. Wally Wacky-Wacko.
Yes sir! Dr. Wally would pay for his wild ride! I'm going to be a devil and not let you in on that secret. Unfortunately, you'll have to wait for the answer when you read the next book in the Sister Mary Olga series, entitled “Have A Heart.”

Author Davis Aujourd'Hui


Sister Mary Olga Book Series:
Book #1 - "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude"
Book #2 - "Babes in Bucksnort"

Both are available in paperback and kindle format!

HOW JUNIOR RATHBONE MET BABY BURPEE

Junior Rathbone was a corpulent young fella who had never had a date. Many a girl had taken a look at his mammoth form that resembled that of a beached whale and had cast away their eyes in horror. That all changed on one moonlit night on the shores of the great Mississippi.

Junior had ambled down to the shore to take himself a swim. There in the moonlit waters was a goddess of grand girth whose blond hair gleamed like strands of liquid gold. Her cantaloupe-sized breasts were bobbing on the waters as she did a veritable breast stroke.

Junior couldn't believe his luck! Baby Burpee was almost as huge as him. Inspired by her impulse to swim in her birthday suit, Junior quickly shed his gigantic shirt and pants as he searched for further inspiration.

There, on the edge of the water, lay a fallen tree trunk. Junior got himself a running start and galloped onto that tree trunk that bobbed like an apple under his immense form. With his buttocks bouncing like two big bowls full of jelly, he took a dive that nearly submerged the end of the trunk before he parted the waters with a virtual tidal wave. Then the cascading waters rushed toward the goddess who was following the path of the moon across the Mississippi.

At the sound of the resounding splat, Baby turned and watched in wonder. The waves were rushing toward her, but there was no sign of what had caused the parting of the water. Suddenly, Junior surfaced and, like a speeding torpedo, his mounds of flesh were headed directly toward Baby Burpee.

Baby instinctively held out her arms as Junior finally coasted into her billowing breasts and warm embrace. With a shit-eating grin upon his honeydew melon-shaped face, Junior called out, “Baby!”

Baby reached up with one of her pudgy hands,caressed his smiling face, and she exclaimed with a drawl, “How'd ya'll know mah name, big fella?”

They lingered in that embrace as she planted a kiss upon Junior's upturned lips. Junior was in heaven. He had never been kissed before. It was love at first sight and the rest would become sweet history.

To find out more about the continuing story of Baby Burpee, Junior Rathbone, and the other delightfully zany characters in my book, go to Amazon.com and order a copy of "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude".

Once you have gobbled up the book that will keep you laughing in stitches, you will wish it would never end.

Fortunately, the first sequel to "Misadventures" will be released within about a month.

Keep your eyes posted on my blog and Amazon.com for continuing misadventures in Babes in Bucksnort. You'll become addicted and the good news is that there will be more "Misadventures" to come.

Nine more books in the series will be released, one luscious morsel at a time, over the coming years. What's more, I plan to continue to create other deliciously delightful tales since my characters are timeless within my active imagination.

Enjoy!

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

A DINLKELDORF ENCOUNTERS MAYHEM

Every once in awhile, we all encounter a form of mayhem in our lives on our ways to self-discovery. In the case of some of my characters in Bucksnort, Wisconsin, mayhem comes in different forms. First, there is the irascible Martha Mayhem. She is well-named since she is constantly looking for trouble. She is always at odds with her arch enemy, Priscilla Bunhead, the town snoop and gossip.

Priscilla wears her stringy hair in a tight little bun. Martha comes to especially hate that bun when Priscilla forms an organization called Bunheads Unite Now – BUN. She recruits vulnerable females who are looking for someone to do their thinking for them. Much to Martha's chagrin, this also includes some of her relatives. Martha later seeks revenge upon proud Prissy and beheads the bun of a shrieking Priscilla.

Mayhem is encountered in a different form when Diddles Dinkledorf and Mark Mayhem are young and horned-up teens. As they experiment with their sexualities, Mark learns that he enjoys Diddle's Dinkledorf where the sun don't shine. This becomes a life-long passion for the two later aging men who maintain that they are straight. It takes them nearly a lifetime to come to accept that they are gay.

Oh, it all starts out innocently enough. Their trysts take place in the abandoned outhouse of Sister Mary Olga's parents, Platitude and Fullove Fortitude. When the young Mary Olga catches them in the act, she acquires a secret knowledge that she later holds over Diddles' head in order to blackmail him.

Diddles works as a craftsman at the convent where Mary Olga subsequently becomes a nun. She has him fashion a custom-made crucifix that is hollow and contains a flip-top. Given her passion for having secret nips of Old Granddad bourbon, she now has a ready flask for her heavenly spirits.

The older Sister Mary Olga finally decides to blow Mark's cover, thinking she should do her duty to inform Mark's wife that she is married to a closet case. Marjorine Mayhem doesn't turn out to appreciate this knowledge. Seeking comfort, it ends up driving her into the arms of her sister-in-law, Martha. That's when Mayhem encounters Mayhem in a different form of the love that dares to speak its name. The two women discover that they too are gay once they indulge in a passionate kiss.

Life often mimics fiction and can even be stranger than it. Many of the characters in Bucksnort come to embrace their God-given sexualities as they learn to appreciate the diversity of life. Yes, life is indeed a journey full of differing self-discoveries.

You probably won't discover that you are gay unless you already possess those secret fantasies. Irregardless, you may come to embrace some of your own secret behaviors as you come to the understanding of those things within yourselves that need healing. My characters will help you make these discoveries in the most humorous ways.

Learn to accept all of yourselves as you make the journey to fuller self-discovery. Just try not to judge yourselves too harshly. The point is to not take yourselves too seriously. Just come to accept that you are human and that both you and life are good. In the meantime, laugh yourselves silly as you embark on your journeys to Bucksnort!

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

"The Misadventures of Sister Mary Sister Olga Fortitude" Book 1

"Babes in Bucksnort" Book 2

What Makes You Happy?

Having lunch with good friends? Taking a nice long walk on the beach at sunset? Or, helping others who are less fortunate than you?


In my new book "Babes in Bucksnort", Sister Mary Olga has some wisdom into happiness and the best life you can possibly enjoy that I’d like to share with you.

“Now! I’m here today to tell you that it’s time to wake up and repent. This is the season of Jesus’s resurrection. Now, as always, he is here among us to lead us all to a better life. All it takes is to make a change in your attitude. Then you shall find yourself back on the High Way to God.”

How many times have you asked yourself, what makes me happy?

It’s the little things in life that seem to hold the most importance and happiness to us. It can be just a time that you went for a nature walk and you noticed the earth’s beauty for the first time, watched a baby take their first steps, or laughed until you cried with an old friend.

Take the time to enjoy life, the little joys and laughter, and change your perspective on the negative things that seem to bombard us everyday.

Sister Mary Olga says, “Perhaps you’d rather listen to some of my stories about the babes in Bucksnort and learn from their successes or their mistakes. Now! Wouldn’t it be easier than taking the elevator down that deep, dark shaft to a place of despair? All it takes is to be true to yourselves. Then God shall reveal all to you. Keep the focus on yourself and let the rest of the world go its own way.”

Remember, when you sit back and laugh, don’t forget to dip your toe in the water. You never know what wonderful things will transpire from that simple gesture.

Check out Babes in Bucksnort to find out the new adventures in the town of Bucksnort and what other wisdoms that Sister Mary Olga has to share with you along the way.

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

Sister Mary Olga Book Series:
Book 1 "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude"
Book 2 "Babes in Bucksnort"

Randy Cowboy Meets Sex Meets Sex Maniacs Notorious

Randy Cowboy is the convent's gay chef. While he knows how to satisfy the good sisters' appetites, Randy's own appetite for sex is ravenous. He never seems to be able to get enough!

Randy made himself a good buddy with a sexy young man with brown hair, bewitching blue eyes, and a soccer player's build when he was cruising down by the old mill stream. Unfortunately for Randy, he didn't ask Bruce Friendly for his phone number.

Back in his bungalow, Randy plaintively sought more companionship on the Internet. As his good fortune would have it, he received a reply from someone whose screen name was Heaven's Gate. As his good fortune increased, it just happened to be Bruce Friendly. That was just the first surprise. Bruce had another one up his sleeve!

Randy excitedly asked Bruce if they could have sex again. That's when Bruce began to fumble. That's also when he was going to throw Randy a curve ball.

Bruce told Randy that he was a sex maniac. Randy didn't have any problem with that. He quickly replied that he was one too.

Bruce replied, “I don't think you understand what I mean. I'm a sex maniac in recovery and I shouldn't be on the internet. I attend a twelve step meeting called Sex Maniacs Notorious.”

“Gee,” replied Randy. “I probably could use that myself. I just seem to be totally out of control when it comes to sex.”

“Well,” said Bruce. “If you're serious, you could come to one of our meetings.”

The very next day, Randy went to the Big City to attend his first meeting. He was disappointed when he didn't see Bruce. That was okay. Randy took a seat next to another handsome guy. Maybe he would find himself a fringe benefit after the meeting.

That wasn't going to happen. When Randy flashed his sexiest smile at the handsome fellow, the other guy gave Randy the cold shoulder. Randy didn't like that. He wasn't used to that sort of thing. It appeared that these sex maniacs were serious about recovery. Now, the question for Randy was if he was going to take this sex maniacs thing seriously for himself.

Author Davis Aujourd'Hui

Sister Mary Olga Book Series:

Book#1 - "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude"

Book#2 - "Babes in Bucksnort"

Outskirts Press Announces "Babes in Bucksnort", Author Davis Aujourd'Hui

Syracuse, NY, June 17, 2010 --(PR.com)-- Outskirts Press, Inc. has published Babes in Bucksnort: Sister Mary Olga Fortitude Book 2 by Davis Aujourd'hui, which is the author's most recent book to date. The 6.14 x 9.21 paperback in the Fiction / Humorous category is available worldwide on book retailer websites such as Amazon and Barnes & Noble for a suggested retail price of $13.95. The webpage at www.outskirtspress.com/babesinbucksnort was launched simultaneously with the book's publication.

About the Book (Excerpts & Info)

Here is the first sequel to the highly praised “The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude.” Once again the unconventional bourbon-swilling, chain-smoking nun will spin outrageously funny new tales about the residents of Bucksnort, Wisconsin while she tests the will of a reformed prostitute who just happens to be her Reverend Mother.

Unfortunately there’s trouble brewing in the Snortlands. The nasty and notorious town busybody, Priscilla Bunhead, goes on a crusade to stamp out what she calls the gay menace. That’s when she convinces her millionaire friend, Mildred Mayflower, to give away her fortune in order to bring the Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead and his Born Again or Burn Forever Disciples for Jesus to town to do the job. It will be an uphill climb for them as the closet doors of many gay people in the Snortlands burst open. Billy-Bob and his wife, Pinky Poo, will have another battle on their hands when Dimples Dufus, the heiress to the Mayflower fortune, arrives on the scene to reclaim her fortune.

In between the laughs, Sister Mary Olga continues to dispense nuggets of spiritual wisdom during her classes in Beginner’s and Advanced Holiness. Just don’t take seats near the flatulent child named Fartley Dinkledorf or his lecherous one-hundred five year-old grandfather, Poopsy. The bottom line is that everyone is welcome in Sister Mary Olga’s classes. Join the diverse cast of characters for a joy ride that will tickle your funny bone until it aches.

Deftly constructed at 206 pages, Babes in Bucksnort: Sister Mary Olga Fortitude Book 2 is being aggressively promoted to appropriate markets with a focus on the Fiction / Humorous category. With U.S. wholesale distribution through Ingram and Baker & Taylor, and pervasive online availability through Amazon, Barnes & Noble and elsewhere, Babes in Bucksnort meets consumer demand through both retail and library markets with a suggested retail price of $13.95.

Additionally, Babes in Bucksnort can be ordered by retailers or wholesalers for the maximum trade discount price set by the author in quantities of ten or more from the Outskirts Press wholesale online bookstore at www.outskirtspress.com/buybooks.



ISBN: 9781432745004
Format: 6.14 x 9.21 paperback
SRP: $13.95
For more information or to contact the author, visit www.outskirtspress.com/babesinbucksnort


About Outskirts Press, Inc.

Outskirts Press, Inc. offers full-service, custom self-publishing and book marketing services for authors seeking a cost-effective, fast, and flexible way to publish and distribute their books worldwide while retaining all their rights and full creative control. Available for authors globally at www.outskirtspress.com and located on the outskirts of Denver, Colorado, Outskirts Press represents the future of book publishing, today.


Outskirts Press, Inc., 10940 S. Parker Rd - 515, Parker, Colorado 80134

http://outskirtspress.com 1-888-OP-BOOKS

HOW JULES JESSLIKE PAPPAS GOT HIS NAME

What's in a name? After all, every name has its own special meaning. It's just that for the characters in "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude", the meanings of their names tend to have a humorous tale. Sometimes the meaning of those names is obvious as in the case of Fartley Dinkledorf. He is a flatulent child who takes great and perverse pleasure in passing gas. Sometimes it's not so obvious as in the case of Jules Jesslike Pappas. Let me tell you the tale behind his name.

Jules' mother was a simple-minded woman who had a rather impulsive nature. I prefer to call her a free spirit, though some of the characters of Bucksnort, Wisconsin might be inclined to judge her. The prudish Priscilla Bunhead would be a case in point.

Irregardless, Mae I. Doomutch was a woman who embraced her sexuality. As a child Mae would always be asking the question, “May I do this or that?” As an adult, she would respond with a resounding “Yes!”

Mae was indeed doing much on the night of Jules' conception. She just happened to have relations with men of two different races on that evening. Nine months later, Mae gave birth to a little girl. She also gave birth to Jules. It's just that the girl popped out looking like creamy vanilla whereas Jules popped out with the complexion of milk chocolate.

When the nurse held up the little baby with the not-so-little member, Mae was reminded of his overly-endowed father. The nurse asked Mae, “What will you name him, dear?”

Mae took one look at the baby's gigantic jewels and exclaimed, “Jewels just like pappa's!” The nurse proceeded to record the baby's name on the birth certificate. That name read as Jules Jesslike Pappas.

Take a delightful and hilarious trip to Bucksnort and meet some of the other zany characters. You'll meet Fartley's grandfather, Diddles, and his great-grandfather, the one-hundred five year-old Poopsy Dinkledorf.

You'll arch your back when you meet the irascible Martha Mayhem. You'll pop your cork when Priscilla Bunhead starts her campaign called BUN which stands for Bunheads Unite Now. It is basically an organization for ladies against women. Priscilla gets into unending altercations with Martha and her other neighbor, the voluptuous and sensual Lula Mae Bunsaplenty.

The good news about the characters of Bucksnort is that they will continue to have ongoing misadventures. This book is just the first in a series of social and religious satires. The first sequel, Babes in Bucksnort, is due out later this spring.

In the meantime, check out the rave reviews on "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude on Amazon.com." While there, do yourself and your friends a favor. Buy a copy of the book for an endless series of laughs and pass the joy around. Then keep coming back to this blog to find out when other misadventures will be about to appear. I promise to provide you with a decade or more of belly laughs.

A RAY OF HOPE

When we are worried or down and out, we all need hope. Without it, life has no joy or meaning. The question is how to keep hope alive. When we can do that, we remain in a place of faith that all is and will be well.

Yet sometimes we need help in order to remember this. That is where the wisdom of sages and people with a spiritual bent come in handy. I can offer that to you with a dose of humor that will keep you in touch with your joy.

My series of religious satires is filled with hilarious scenarios that will keep you laughing in stitches. Although they are irreverent, they also contain an uplifting message of hope and nuggets of spiritual wisdom which are dispensed by a naughty nun who has come to some understanding of what it is to lead a spiritual life.

Let me introduce you to that bourbon-swilling, chain-smoking nun in my book, "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude". The book has received rave reviews on Amazon.com where it is available. Sister Mary Olga will soon be returning in the first sequel, entitled Babes in Bucksnort.

You'll meet her arch nemesis, the Reverend Mother Carmen Burana, who is a former prostitute and a bit of a prude. She is nothing compared to the notoriously nasty Priscilla Bunhead! Priscilla is always digging in the dirt as she gossips about the lives of people who aren't what she would consider to be normal.

Sister Mary Olga says, “Who wants to be normal anyway?” After all, we are all God's children and He made us diversely unique for a purpose. Isn't that what makes life interesting?

You'll meet the irascible Martha Mayhem who is one of the few who will stand up to the hateful Priscilla Bunhead. You'll meet the self-described sex maniac who just happens to be a gay cowboy and the chef at the Have A Heart Convent. Just be prepared for the upcoming Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead and his Born Again or Burn Forever Disciples for Jesus. Nothing and no one is sacred as far as he is concerned.

Along with the other deliciously dysfunctional characters on Dinkledorf Drive in the sleepy little hamlet of Bucksnort, Wisconsin, you will be in for a joy ride that will keep you wanting for more. Many of my readers have said about the first book, “I didn't want it to end! I can't wait for the next book!”

The good news is that you won't have to wait long. Babes in Bucksnort will be available sometime during May. In the meantime, take a hilarious trip to Bucksnort in "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude". You might just find some wisdom during her classes in Advanced Holiness that will speak to your own questions about the meaning of life. You might just find that ray of hope that will bring you back into the light of a new day.

Sister Mary Olga Fortitude Hits a Home Run for Bucksnort

It’s difficult to imagine what the sleepy little town of Bucksnort would be like without its lovable ringleader Sister Mary Olga. It is definitely more true than the saying that she’s the glue that holds everything and everyone together, or rather, she is the zany paste that weaves the story and brings it directly to you.

Sister Mary Olga was created as an unshakable character to entertain a coworker and to creatively pass the time at work, but she managed to interlace her way into my heart and into the lives of the residents of Bucksnort. She tells it like it is, but is the first to tell you that she’s not perfect, especially in a less than perfect world. She’ll remind you that tolerance and understanding is the key to being human and to achieving happiness. Ah yes, we cannot forget that laughter is in indeed the best medicine.

This lively tale isn’t just about “real life” situations and human problems told in a very entertaining manner, but there are many silly and entertaining antics among the townspeople. Life is never boring or predictable in Bucksnort. It’s a daily occurrence of unrest, heartache, bellies full of laughter bubbling over with joy, kindness, and hope that bring together a diverse community that’s filled with so many differences.

Sister Mary Olga tells you a harrowing tale full of infectious giggles and uproarious laughter in The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude. Why do you think that she feels that she’s hit a home run? That’s easy. Every day she learns something new about herself and has the opportunity to help someone through some turmoil in their own lives. It’s just like a rush of that incredible feeling you get when the baseball bat cracks the ball over the fence that leads to a home run. It’s the continuing sensation of emotions surging through your body as the wind slaps your face and your legs effortlessly carry you around all bases. Sister Mary Olga feels that exhilaration on a regular basis and wants to share it with you.

So what are you waiting for? You can buy your front row ticket for the hilarious journey with "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" today.

Confession is Good for the Soul & Funny Bone

In my new novel, The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude, Sister Mary Olga talks about the importance of confession as well as acceptance and forgiveness. These are strong emotions and shouldn’t be entered into lightly.

With that being said, nobody is perfect. Sister Mary Olga would be the first to tell you this because she has a just few vices of her own with a snort of Bourbon and a full puff from a Marlboro every once in a while. She lovingly teaches morals to live by not only her class in Advanced Holiness, but educates readers to learn and apply the valuable lessons of life, along with plenty of humor in between of course.

Everyone should bring more humor and laughter into life. You can release your soul with confession, but never forget to smile in the process.

Want to start having more fun?

1. Smile. Smile at strangers. Smile as you drive to work. Smile when you’re doing household chores. Smile when you’re talking on the phone. Smile more in conversation with others.

2. As Sister Mary Olga would tell you, “Count your blessings”. Consider all the wonderful things in your life and bring more laughter to your family and friends. It will come back to you ten-fold guaranteed.

3. Spend time with other fun, playful people. What a great way to share the feelings of humor?

4. Bring more humor to conversations. Talk about a funny book you’ve just read, like The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude. You can then tell some of the zany antidotes straight from Bucksnort.

5. When you hear laughter, move toward it. It is absolutely contagious. Catch it, release it, and share it. Don’t forget to catch it again when it comes back around.

Create more opportunities to laugh. Develop your sense of humor more and be sure to take yourself less seriously. Laugh. Smile. Laugh and smile right now as you read this. It will transform your life in so many positive ways. I promise you.

What’s the funniest story you’ve heard today?

I hope that you take the opportunity to check out The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude and get an extra dose of laughter today