PRISCILLA BUNHEAD MEETS LILLILIVER LIPSTICK

Priscilla was the town prude and busybody. Lately, she had found ripe pickings among some of her new neighbors. They were none other than the Snatchasnitches. The most vulnerable member of that family
was none other than Lilliliver Lipstick.

Priscilla presented the Snatchasnitches with one of her famous sour cream cakes on the very day after they had moved into the neighborhood. Prissy needed all of the support she could get for her causes. She was still trying to regain ground after Sister Samantha had infiltrated one of her BUN meetings. BUN just happens to stand for Bunheads Unite Now.

Ever the good student of poor fashion, Lilliliver Lipstick was a prime candidate for a strangled bun with which to control her stringy dishwater hair. She was also a good candidate to be controlled by someone who could do her thinking for her.

Prissy rang the Snatchasnitch’s doorbell and was greeted by Abner and Lilliliver’s little Senorita. At least our little Senorita had some good sense, though she was lacking in the manners department. There before her stood a scrawny, prune-faced lady who looked as if she’d been sucking on lemons.

Senorita took one look at this woman who had about as much hair as a church mouse. Then she exclaimed, “You’re the ugliest old lady I’ve ever seen!”

Prissy nearly shoved her sour cream cake right into little Senorita’s smug face until she remembered that she was on a mission. That’s when Lilliliver Lipstick quickly appeared and said to Senorita, “Now, now, sweetie, that’s not a very nice thing to say to an old lady.”

Priscilla was still on the fence about where her cake should end up. She chose the higher road and she presented it to Lilliliver Lipstick as she said, “Welcome to Dinkledorf Drive! I wanted to be the first one to roll out the welcome mat to you. May I come in for a moment?”

Lilliliver gave Priscilla a smile that reminded Priscilla of some of the insecure girls in her former etiquette classes for young ladies. Then Lilliliver admitted Prissy to her own perfect and prissily-kept home before she offered Priscilla a perfectly-fluffed, aqua-colored arm chair.

Priscilla took in the surroundings and the chair with an approving smile. Aqua had always been her favorite color. Besides, having recently become a retired home economics teacher, she was always pleased to see a young woman who took her domestic chores seriously. Then she craftily led the conversation around to her latest campaign.

She lowered her high-strung voice into nearly a whisper when she said, “My dear, I think I should warn you about some of your new neighbors. Evil lurks in the neighborhood. Why, the house just two doors down from you is inhabited by a couple of lesbians! You must protect your little Senorita against their evil influences. You wouldn’t want her to turn out like that, now would you?”

Lilliliver shuddered at the thought as she feverishly squirmed in her own seat. Then she exclaimed, “Oh my heavens, no!”

Priscilla continued on. “I also think that you should know that we have a couple of Negroes on the block. Now, the old man, Jules Jesslike Pappas, is really a credit to his race, but he’s living in sin with a lazy, dark-skinned, good-for-nothing floozy named Lula Mae Bunsaplenty. I’d been so concerned for our neighborhood when she’d moved in. Thank goodness it hasn’t kept fine upstanding white folks like you from buying a home here!”

Lilliliver appeared disturbed. She hadn’t realized that there had been any Negroes in the neighborhood. That’s when she exclaimed, “They don’t have any boys, do they?”

“Oh no, my dear!” Prissy continued. “Jules and Lula Mae don’t have any children and I sincerely doubt that they ever will. Their relationship seems to be on the rocks. At least you won’t have to worry about your little girl being pursued by an oversexed black boy. Even so, we need to make sure that they don’t attract any other Negroes into our beautiful neighborhood!”

“Certainly not!” Lilliliver exclaimed. “I’ll be sure to warn Abner about the situation!”

Priscilla continued on as she said, “I’m afraid there’s one more neighbor on whom you’re going to have to keep an eye if you don’t want him keeping an eye on you. He’s really a pretty harmless old man named Poopsy Dinkledorf. Why, the man is over one hundred years-old, but he’s also a dirty old man and a Peeping Tom!”

Lilliliver quickly retorted, “Well, he’s not going to get a chance with me because I always keep my blinds closed!”

“That’s very wise, my dear,” replied a self-satisfied Priscilla. “Even so, I might suggest that you remain vigilant and peek out your blinds on a regular basis. You can always come running over to my house if you see anything that we should be concerned about.”

Lilliliver quickly went over to her window blinds where she parted them before she peered out in all directions. Priscilla smiled at her action. “Oh, Miss Bunhead,” Lilliliver whimpered. “I just can’t believe that we’re surrounded by perverts and Negroes! I can’t thank you enough for warning me! I feel so much more secure knowing that I’m going to have a good friend like you in order to help protect my little Senorita.”

“Well, there’s one other thing that you can do in order to help protect your little darling,” replied Priscilla who nearly spat out her last word upon remembering that perfectly wretched child. “I’ve formed a new organization called CUDDD. That stands for Citizens United for Decency on Dinkledorf Drive. We just happen to be having our first meeting tonight. I’m counting on you for your support.”

“Oh my, yes!” declared Priscilla’s newest hand puppet. “I’ll be sure to be there!”

“That’s a good girl,” purred Priscilla. “Now, it’s time for me to go!” With that said, she wormed her way out of her chair, took her leave, and she skittered across the street to her own lookout station.

Author Davis Aujourd'Hui

Sister Mary Olga Book Series
Book #1 "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude"
Book #2 "Babes in Bucksnort"

"Laugh, Learn & Love" Book Review of "Babes In Bucksnort" June 11, 2010

Book Reviews of "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" and "Babes in Bucksnort"
By A Very Merry Shakespeare (NY, NY) 


This review is from: Babes in Bucksnort: Sister Mary Olga Fortitude Book 2 (Paperback)

Guys and gals - if you want to laugh out loud, and learn something at the same time, this is the book for you. Series of books, actually; the first book in this great set that I received in the mail was titled "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude". Now, Sister Mary Olga dwells at the Have a Heart convent in Bucksnort, Wisconsin. She is a true spiritual guide for everyone, and it shouldn't matter that she also has two things she loves - Marlboros and bourbon. When I began the first book, I quickly and completely fell into it and could not put it down; I was so entranced with the people on Dinkledorf Drive that I, literally, fell in love with each adn every one of them. I also was impressed at the way the author addressed many issues pertinent to the world today including religion and gay rights.


I moved on to the second book almost immediately because I was, by then, so wrapped up in these characters that I was laughing at a time when I truly needed to laugh and I wanted my happiness (and stress-relief) to continue. In the second novel, Priscilla Bunhead is one of those people that every small town in America has; she is the righteous busy body who can't stand the fact that there are atrocities in her world such as gay people infiltrating her town. She goes on a crusade, with the help of her millionaire friend, to call forth the wise and righteous Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead. This is the man who will clean up her town and force the gay people out of her neck of the woods. Not only do we have that storyline, but the author also introduces a character called Dimples Dufus who wants nothing more than to reclaim the fortune that Dimples left behind.


The spiritual wisdom that this author and his fantastic characters impart is truly a lesson in support, kindness, and love - things that some true Christians have forgotten over time. (Yes, that's my opinion so don't send horrible letters to the owner of this site). On a side-note, when characters are named Fartley and Dewdrop Dinkledorf, Ralphy Mayhem, Lilliliver Lipstick, and Father Cowberries, how exactly can a reader go wrong? I am so happy to have been introduced to this author and his series that I really can't wait for Book III: Have a Heart, to be released. Every once in a while a writer comes along who I believe should have more press and publicity, and Mr. Aujurd'hui is the newest one to make that list. Everyone go out and get these books and enjoy!

Author Davis Aujourd'Hui

Sister Mary Olga Book Series:
Book #1 "The Mistadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude"
Book #2 "Babes in Bucksnort"

A Tour of a Small Town Through the Eyes of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude

There are many small towns scattered all across the beautiful land of America. Some people prefer small towns to the big cities; both have their pros and cons. Many people may prefer wide-open spaces of beautiful hills and trees for the hustle and bustle of the big apple of New York City.

In my new book The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude, Sister Mary Olga would have to adamantly say that the warmth and fun of a small town create the only place she wants to call home. Bucksnort, Wisconsin is filled with colorful characters, zany antics, and the small town hospitality and warmth that you would expect from any small town.

Sister Mary Olga says that there are so many advantages of living in Bucksnort.

First, it’s a wonderful place to bring up children with smaller classrooms and you seem to hear more children laughing as the result. Even as she puffs on one of her Marlboros, Sister Mary Olga fondly reflects on the fresh air, no smog, no rush hour traffic, and the abundance of green space of her small town.

Second, Bucksnort neighborhoods are filled with single-family dwellings instead of condos and apartments that almost seem to touch the sky. Parks and community areas are filled with relaxed and happy people.

And finally, community spirit seems to be the best part of Bucksnort. The atmosphere is filled with charm that seems to develop into a close-knit community. If something wonderful or tragic happens to someone, everyone knows. It’s a wildfire that burns through a small town along with idle gossip.

“Ah, it’s the wealth of love and true inspiration that makes a small town a real small town”, says Sister Mary Olga.

Find out what the residents of Bucksnort are up to with The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude and decide for yourself if you prefer a small town or the bright lights of the big city.

Author David Aujourd'hui

"

Don’t Forget to Keep Your Eye on the Ball and Bucksnort

“This is Sister Mary Olga Fortitude coming to you. Well, my dears, that is why I’m going to tell you my story since I am a good and holy teacher. I’m here to remind you that all of us have been called to serve in this life… Well, it’s time to wake up and smell the whiskey… er, I mean the coffee!”

It’s now time to keep your eye on the ball, or rather Bucksnort! But you better get ready to laugh yourself silly with the book, The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude.

Sister Mary Olga has some important words of wisdom to share just with you. It will make you giggle and then that giggle will turn into a belly laugh. It will make you ponder and rethink how you see the world and those around you. It might even make you snort with some disbelief.

Aren’t you just a little bit curious?

What does Father Cowberries share on a regular basis with Sister Mary Olga? Would Mother Carmen approve? Oops, have I said too much?

What Golden Rule does Little Fartley Dinkledorf learn? It’s a bit of a gas filled subject and an ongoing saga.

Is there some kind of secret that Randy Cowboy must confess? Will he or won’t he?

Will Miss Lula Mae Bunsaplenty find true love? She has an abundance to give any lucky fella.

We must not forget the town busybody Priscilla Bunhead. Will she ever learn? You’ll just have to wait and see what’s in store for her.

I bet you’re a little more curious now about the town of Bucksnort.

What about the plight of Marjorine and Martha Mayhem? What will happen next in their saga?

Keep your eye on Bucksnort because you will learn a few interesting things about the spirited and zany town from Sister Mary Olga, but you might also learn a little bit about yourself. Don’t take yourself so seriously! Take time to laugh and enjoy all the wonderful differences that the world around you has to offer.

"The Misadventures of Sister Olga Fortitude"

HOW JULES JESSLIKE PAPPAS GOT HIS NAME

What's in a name? After all, every name has its own special meaning. It's just that for the characters in "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude", the meanings of their names tend to have a humorous tale. Sometimes the meaning of those names is obvious as in the case of Fartley Dinkledorf. He is a flatulent child who takes great and perverse pleasure in passing gas. Sometimes it's not so obvious as in the case of Jules Jesslike Pappas. Let me tell you the tale behind his name.

Jules' mother was a simple-minded woman who had a rather impulsive nature. I prefer to call her a free spirit, though some of the characters of Bucksnort, Wisconsin might be inclined to judge her. The prudish Priscilla Bunhead would be a case in point.

Irregardless, Mae I. Doomutch was a woman who embraced her sexuality. As a child Mae would always be asking the question, “May I do this or that?” As an adult, she would respond with a resounding “Yes!”

Mae was indeed doing much on the night of Jules' conception. She just happened to have relations with men of two different races on that evening. Nine months later, Mae gave birth to a little girl. She also gave birth to Jules. It's just that the girl popped out looking like creamy vanilla whereas Jules popped out with the complexion of milk chocolate.

When the nurse held up the little baby with the not-so-little member, Mae was reminded of his overly-endowed father. The nurse asked Mae, “What will you name him, dear?”

Mae took one look at the baby's gigantic jewels and exclaimed, “Jewels just like pappa's!” The nurse proceeded to record the baby's name on the birth certificate. That name read as Jules Jesslike Pappas.

Take a delightful and hilarious trip to Bucksnort and meet some of the other zany characters. You'll meet Fartley's grandfather, Diddles, and his great-grandfather, the one-hundred five year-old Poopsy Dinkledorf.

You'll arch your back when you meet the irascible Martha Mayhem. You'll pop your cork when Priscilla Bunhead starts her campaign called BUN which stands for Bunheads Unite Now. It is basically an organization for ladies against women. Priscilla gets into unending altercations with Martha and her other neighbor, the voluptuous and sensual Lula Mae Bunsaplenty.

The good news about the characters of Bucksnort is that they will continue to have ongoing misadventures. This book is just the first in a series of social and religious satires. The first sequel, Babes in Bucksnort, is due out later this spring.

In the meantime, check out the rave reviews on "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude on Amazon.com." While there, do yourself and your friends a favor. Buy a copy of the book for an endless series of laughs and pass the joy around. Then keep coming back to this blog to find out when other misadventures will be about to appear. I promise to provide you with a decade or more of belly laughs.

A RAY OF HOPE

When we are worried or down and out, we all need hope. Without it, life has no joy or meaning. The question is how to keep hope alive. When we can do that, we remain in a place of faith that all is and will be well.

Yet sometimes we need help in order to remember this. That is where the wisdom of sages and people with a spiritual bent come in handy. I can offer that to you with a dose of humor that will keep you in touch with your joy.

My series of religious satires is filled with hilarious scenarios that will keep you laughing in stitches. Although they are irreverent, they also contain an uplifting message of hope and nuggets of spiritual wisdom which are dispensed by a naughty nun who has come to some understanding of what it is to lead a spiritual life.

Let me introduce you to that bourbon-swilling, chain-smoking nun in my book, "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude". The book has received rave reviews on Amazon.com where it is available. Sister Mary Olga will soon be returning in the first sequel, entitled Babes in Bucksnort.

You'll meet her arch nemesis, the Reverend Mother Carmen Burana, who is a former prostitute and a bit of a prude. She is nothing compared to the notoriously nasty Priscilla Bunhead! Priscilla is always digging in the dirt as she gossips about the lives of people who aren't what she would consider to be normal.

Sister Mary Olga says, “Who wants to be normal anyway?” After all, we are all God's children and He made us diversely unique for a purpose. Isn't that what makes life interesting?

You'll meet the irascible Martha Mayhem who is one of the few who will stand up to the hateful Priscilla Bunhead. You'll meet the self-described sex maniac who just happens to be a gay cowboy and the chef at the Have A Heart Convent. Just be prepared for the upcoming Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead and his Born Again or Burn Forever Disciples for Jesus. Nothing and no one is sacred as far as he is concerned.

Along with the other deliciously dysfunctional characters on Dinkledorf Drive in the sleepy little hamlet of Bucksnort, Wisconsin, you will be in for a joy ride that will keep you wanting for more. Many of my readers have said about the first book, “I didn't want it to end! I can't wait for the next book!”

The good news is that you won't have to wait long. Babes in Bucksnort will be available sometime during May. In the meantime, take a hilarious trip to Bucksnort in "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude". You might just find some wisdom during her classes in Advanced Holiness that will speak to your own questions about the meaning of life. You might just find that ray of hope that will bring you back into the light of a new day.

Sister Mary Olga Fortitude Hits a Home Run for Bucksnort

It’s difficult to imagine what the sleepy little town of Bucksnort would be like without its lovable ringleader Sister Mary Olga. It is definitely more true than the saying that she’s the glue that holds everything and everyone together, or rather, she is the zany paste that weaves the story and brings it directly to you.

Sister Mary Olga was created as an unshakable character to entertain a coworker and to creatively pass the time at work, but she managed to interlace her way into my heart and into the lives of the residents of Bucksnort. She tells it like it is, but is the first to tell you that she’s not perfect, especially in a less than perfect world. She’ll remind you that tolerance and understanding is the key to being human and to achieving happiness. Ah yes, we cannot forget that laughter is in indeed the best medicine.

This lively tale isn’t just about “real life” situations and human problems told in a very entertaining manner, but there are many silly and entertaining antics among the townspeople. Life is never boring or predictable in Bucksnort. It’s a daily occurrence of unrest, heartache, bellies full of laughter bubbling over with joy, kindness, and hope that bring together a diverse community that’s filled with so many differences.

Sister Mary Olga tells you a harrowing tale full of infectious giggles and uproarious laughter in The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude. Why do you think that she feels that she’s hit a home run? That’s easy. Every day she learns something new about herself and has the opportunity to help someone through some turmoil in their own lives. It’s just like a rush of that incredible feeling you get when the baseball bat cracks the ball over the fence that leads to a home run. It’s the continuing sensation of emotions surging through your body as the wind slaps your face and your legs effortlessly carry you around all bases. Sister Mary Olga feels that exhilaration on a regular basis and wants to share it with you.

So what are you waiting for? You can buy your front row ticket for the hilarious journey with "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" today.