A CONVERSATION BETWEEN SISTER MARY OLGA & PRISCILLA BUNHEAD

Sister Mary Olga:

“Just wait one minute while I have a deliciously holy snort of bourbon and light up a Marlboro. Oh? What's that?... I'm on the radio!... Goodness Gravy! Forgive me, my dears. This is Sister Mary Olga Fortitude coming to you. Now! I've heard that some of you are interested in hearing about my misadventures. That's all well and good as long as you don't spread any malicious gossip. After all, there's nothing very holy about that!

Suffice it to say that life is happening in the sleepy little hamlet of Bucksnort, Wisconsin in just the same manner as everywhere else. It's just that most of you tend to keep your untidy little secrets to yourself. Ahem! Excuse me for just a moment while I have another refreshing drink of what I prefer to call heavenly spirits. Ah! That's much better!
Well! Thanks to a busybody named Priscilla Bunhead, nobody's business in the Snortlands of Wisconsin remains their own for very long. Priscilla is the president of an organization called BUN. That stands for Bunheads Unite Now. Why, she's recruited the most vulnerable female souls of Bucksnort who prefer to have someone else do their thinking for them. Just like Priscilla, her fellow bunheads all wear their hair in little buns at the back of their heads. This only serves to squeeze their little brains so tightly that they couldn't think for themselves even if they wanted to.”

(Suddenly there is a shrill voice in the background.)Priscilla Bunhead:
“Just wait one damn moment, you sanctimonious sister! We bunheads happen to practice human decency contrary to the likes of you and that former whore of your reverend mother, not to mention the perverts on Dinkledorf Drive. How would you like to live next to a half-Negro bastard like Jules Jesslike Pappas and his fat floozy, Lula Mae Bunsaplenty, while I have a couple of lesbos living on the other side of my unhappy home?

To make matters even worse, I think there's a homo or two on the block! Then there's that 105 year-old peeping Tom, Poopsy Dinkledorf, who lives across the street! The only comfort I have about this revolting situation is that I know they're all going straight to hell when they die. In the meantime, I'll get my satisfaction by doing everything in my power to make their lives as miserable as possible! Maybe that will convince them to get the hell out of Bucksnort!”
Sister Mary Olga:

“Ahem! (followed by a whisper to the audience) - Hang on folks while I just have another little snort to calm my nerves. - It seems to me that you could benefit from one of my classes in Advanced Holiness. After all, as the good book says, 'Judge not, lest ye be judged.'”
Priscilla Bunhead:

“I'll be damned if I'll ever set my foot on the grounds of a Catholic convent! I happen to be a good Baptist so don't think that you're going to preach to me! After all, since you're always siding with the perverts, you'll also be going straight to hell. I just hope the readers of your books don't get suckered in by your so-called lessons in holiness. As the saying goes, 'Beware of wolves in sheep's clothing!'”

Sister Mary Olga:

“Now, now, my dear! Just be careful when you cast a judgment. After all, we're all only looking into a mirror at ourselves whenever we do that.”
Priscilla Bunhead:

“Poppycock, Mary Olga! I'm just here to let your listeners know that, if they read your books, they'll probably go straight to hell too. Quite frankly, I don't give a damn! They'll only have themselves to blame. At least I've done them the favor of warning them.”
Sister Mary Olga:


“Ahem! I'm sure you think you're doing them a kindness. Perhaps it would be better if you let them judge that for themselves. After all, all of God's children deserve a chance to have a good laugh and, (as Sister Mary Olga lets go of a belly laugh) God forgive me, you've just done that for me. Bless you, my dear.”
Priscilla Bunhead:


“You'd better wake up and smell the coffee before it's too late! As for me, I'm getting the hell out of here because your homo cowboy chef is coming this way with a tray of cookies. If you know what's good for you, I wouldn't eat one of those. After all, you never know where his hands might have been!” (sound of running footsteps)
Sister Mary Olga:


“Sigh! Hi Randy!”
Randy Cowboy:


“Hey, Sister, who was that?”


Sister Mary Olga:


“Honey, you don't want to know! When I used to believe in them, I might have called her a demon. Instead I realize she's just a scared little girl. Now! Let's change to a gayer note and let me have one of those cookies! They look scrumptious!”

Start your day off with some laughter and purchase a copy of the book today of "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude"

Hope you enjoy!

You Won’t Find Many Nuns Having This Much Fun!

When you think of the most memorable nuns, you might think of the wonderful characters portrayed by Whoopi Goldberg in Sister Act or Sally Field as the Flying Nun. I have exciting news for you. Now it’s time to make room for another lovable and entertaining nun character with plenty of laughs along the way.

In my first novel, "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude", Have A Heart convent has one unforgettable nun by the name of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude. Her unique views of spirituality and her genuine love of life and the residents of her small town of Bucksnort has some scratching their heads.

“To each their own” is one of Sister Mary Olga’s favorite sayings. She loves her bourbon that is secretly stashed in her crucifix and she also takes a quick break whenever she can to spark up a Marlboro cigarette.

T.L.I.A.M.G, my dears! Translated that means that The Lord Is A Mighty God. Sister Mary Olga may not always see eye to eye with authority figures, but her heart is in the right place. She spends much of her time teaching children the “golden rule” of important lessons in her Advanced Holiness class.

Sister Mary Olga has firsthand knowledge of the town’s secrets and brings the story directly to you. She wouldn’t have it any other way. You couldn’t ask for a better host in matters of the importance of tolerance and refraining from judgment. In fact, Sister Mary Olga confesses for her own shortcomings of gossip, booze, and her oh so wonderful cigarettes.

Sister Mary Olga transcends the wit and charm that will warm your heart through her trials and tribulations. She is joined by the Reverend Mother who used to be a prostitute, a gay convent chef, and Father Cowberries who never turns down a friendly chat with maybe a drink or two.


Find out what happens to the folks of Bucksnort through Sister Mary Olga’s eyes and pick up a copy of "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" (Book 1 of a series) and then pickup a copy of "Babes in Bucksnort" (Book 2 of a series). Both are available in Paperback Format $13.95 and in Kindle Format for $3.99 at Amazon.com.

Have you laughed yet today?

Author Davis Aujurd'hui

Do You Just Follow or Do You Shine with Individuality?

Have you ever been in a room with a few friends or a part of a group that believed something that you didn’t agree with? You felt like the world was against you. It’s an uncomfortable and disheartening feeling. It was one of those pivotal moments in life where you either stood up for your opinion and be heard, even if it means that you disagree with the majority, or just go along with the crowd.

In my second installment of the Sister Mary Olga series, "Babes in Bucksnort", there is an underground movement a foot. Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead and his wife Pinky Poo are about to garner sympathy from the masses at his parish. They are a team that will definitely cause a hilarious theatrical stir for the entire town that you don’t want to miss. Their message is simple… Rid the town of Bucksnort of the homosexual menace that is upon them and no one is safe! Watch your neighbors carefully!

Sister Mary Olga has been witness to the underlying tension of the community. She offers this wisdom to her Advance Holiness class that she would like to share with you:

“I would caution you to take care with your personal testimonies of grace. Not everyone has the same beliefs. We must treat every person with respect even though we may think that we know a better way. All religious beliefs can be valid. God only knows that I’ve had some challenges with regard to that within my own Christian faith. Some of our so-called Christians have forgotten the message of love and forgiveness that Jesus has brought upon us. Perhaps that would be a good place to start.”

Sister Mary Olga always seems to bring problems and conflicts into perspective by focusing on the goodness behind the intentions of all involved. Even though there is seriousness about the disagreement between the townspeople, there is also honesty and humor that stays true to each individual of Bucksnort.

What happens with Sister Mary Olga and the cast of wily, fun loving individuals of Bucksnort may surprise you. Start reading the side splitting, hilarious saga today to find out what happens with your favorite characters.

"The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortutude" (Book 1)

"Babes in Bucksnort" (Book 2)

PRISCILLA BUNHEAD'S SECRET EXPOSED

The nasty, prudish Priscilla Bunhead from "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" who is always judging people by outside appearances had her own secret past. You see, she was a fraud. Priscilla wasn't blessed with an ample bosom and she was ashamed. This led her to masquerade by stuffing her bra with tissue paper so that she would appear to be the voluptuous young woman she was not.

Unfortunately for Priscilla, she had a habit of making enemies out of people. When it came to her relationship with the irascible Martha Mayhem, she made a big mistake. While Martha was grounded after engaging in behavior unbecoming to a Baptist with her boyfriend Crabby Crandall, Priscilla stole Crabby away from her. That's when Martha decided it was time to get revenge.

Martha happened to know about Priscilla's private pleasures. Priscilla's family was the only one on Dinkledorf Drive to own a swimming pool. It also had a Jacuzzi with delightfully pulsating jets. Every dark night during the summer, Priscilla could be found perfectly positioned under those jets where she pulsated to a rhythm that rocked her world.

One moonlit night, Martha invited the teenage boys of Bucksnort to Prissy's pool for a private show. All the of boys were anxious to feast their eyes upon the big boobies that Priscilla didn't possess. As Priscilla was in the throes of ecstasy, the boys were breathlessly waiting in the bushes around the pool. Meanwhile, Martha stole around the side of the house where she threw on the spotlight to illuminate the poolside show.

The boys let out a shout of disappointment when they realized that Prissy's pom poms were nothing more than pegs. That's when Priscilla let out a scream that could be heard all the way to the convent. Like the drowned rat that she was, she went running off into the night in order to hide her secret shame. Unfortunately for Priscilla, that was also the end of her relationship with Crabby Crandall.

Martha had her sweet revenge. What made it even sweeter was that Priscilla was never courted by another. Her fate was to grow up to become a sourpuss of an old maid.

This is just one of the many hilarious tales contained within Misadventures. If you're looking for a bellyful of laughs, click on the link to Amazon.com so that you can obtain your own copy. In the meantime, remember that outside appearances aren't always what they seem.