Friday, July 29, 2011
MEET DIMPLES DUFUS AND HER NOT SO DARLING DIMPLES II
Dimples Mayflower Dufus had just celebrated her forty-fifth birthday. It hadn’t turned out to be exactly the kind of celebration that she had been expecting. She had arrived home early on the night of the surprise party which she’d demanded for herself. As a matter of fact, she had actually ended up getting herself a surprise. She had found her husband, Rufus, diddling a purple-headed dingbat on the side of their Olympic-sized swimming poo
The very next day she had filed for a divorce from Rufus Dufus. Then she had prepared for a long battle because she had intended to get every nickel of Rufus’ inheritance. That’s when she had found out what Rufus had been doing with their money whenever he’d gone away on a “business trip.” He’d been wining and dining ladies of the night and he’d been spending his own family’s fortune at the roulette tables.
When it had come out that Rufus had even mortgaged away their villa, Dimples had decided to go home to the mother whom she hadn’t seen in fifteen years in order to claim her rightful inheritance. That’s when she had ditched her married name of Dufus and had packed up the only things that she’d had left. That would have been her extensive jewelry collection and a wardrobe that could have filled a modest home. Then, along with her darling Dimples II, she had headed back home to Bucksnort.
Dimples had been a beautiful little blond-haired baby. Her towhead had changed to dark brown by the time she had turned nineteen and had married for the first time. Ever since those days, she’d had her
hairdresser make a weekly trip to touch up her three-color-process dye job at whatever mansion or villa in which she’d resided .
She'd had her boobs enlarged when she’d been twenty-five. That had helped her snag husband number two, the father of Dimples II. Having been a sun goddess to the extreme, she’d had her first face-lift done at the age of thirty-eight to get rid of her sun crinkles. By that time she’d also needed liposuction to get rid of all the pounds of fat she’d put on.
At least she’d had years of gourmet meals and fine wines to thank for that. Of course, she’d also managed to keep her full service bar restocked on a weekly basis. She’d been even thirstier than I! Unfortunately for Dimples, she hadn’t been thirsty for God. She had only been thirsty for whatever God could have done for her.
Dimples had given herself an early forty-fifth birthday present. That had been another face-lift. Unfortunately for Dimples, Dr. Peter Pimplehead had decided to get a little revenge on the beauties who had spurned him in his past. The delicate and darling Dimples was going to become his scapegoat.
When the bandages had been removed from Dimples’ previously perfect face, she had let out a shriek. Dr. Pimplehead had pulled her skin tighter than that of Joan Rivers.
There wasn’t a thing that could be done. There had been no skin left that could have been used to loosen her perpetual look of amazement. Perhaps, after she’d looked at herself in the mirror many times, she would have found other things to be amazed about. How about God, darling Dimples?
One thing was true about Dimples. She was a delicate-looking creature. It’s just that, in her case, her behavior was more like a “creature” than it was like “delicate.” Unlike her mother, Dimples II hadn’t been as blessed in the beauty department. Her broad and upswept cheekbones cast a downward slant on her wide-set eyes. That little girl also had an extremely large mouth in more ways than one, I can assure you!
Her hair was a wiry, mousy-brown, just like that of her Great Aunt Martha when she had been a young girl. She also seemed to inherit Aunt Martha’s gene for short and stout. Nevertheless her mother, Dimples, believed that her daughter was a beauty. Granted, Dimples II wouldn’t be winning the little girl beauty pageants in which her mother had captured many a crown.
There was one thing that this mother and daughter had in common. They were both a couple of spoiled princesses. It’s just that, for Dimples II, her unfortunate looks only served to become a chip upon her shoulder. It was also a chip that would soon become the same size as the chip on the shoulder of her Great Aunt Martha.
As I was saying, little Dimples II wasn’t so little anymore. She had just turned fourteen and she carried more than ten times that much weight on her broad five-foot frame. God had blessed her in one department; she had a chest that would be likely to give her back problems by the time she would become twenty-five. Given her short stature, her chest appeared even more mammoth. That “little” girl had already discovered how to use that to her advantage. I’m certain we’ll hear more about that once she discovers the budding adolescent boys of Bucksnort!
Author Davis Aujourd'Hui
Book #1 "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude"
Book #2 "Babes in Bucksnort"
Both are available in Kindle Format for $3.99