MEET DIMPLES DUFUS AND HER NOT SO DARLING DIMPLES II

Dimples Mayflower Dufus had just celebrated her forty-fifth birthday. It hadn’t turned out to be exactly the kind of celebration that she had been expecting. She had arrived home early on the night of the surprise party which she’d demanded for herself. As a matter of fact, she had actually ended up getting herself a surprise. She had found her husband, Rufus, diddling a purple-headed dingbat on the side of their Olympic-sized swimming poo

The very next day she had filed for a divorce from Rufus Dufus. Then she had prepared for a long battle because she had intended to get every nickel of Rufus’ inheritance. That’s when she had found out what Rufus had been doing with their money whenever he’d gone away on a “business trip.” He’d been wining and dining ladies of the night and he’d been spending his own family’s fortune at the roulette tables.

When it had come out that Rufus had even mortgaged away their villa, Dimples had decided to go home to the mother whom she hadn’t seen in fifteen years in order to claim her rightful inheritance. That’s when she had ditched her married name of Dufus and had packed up the only things that she’d had left. That would have been her extensive jewelry collection and a wardrobe that could have filled a modest home. Then, along with her darling Dimples II, she had headed back home to Bucksnort.

Dimples had been a beautiful little blond-haired baby. Her towhead had changed to dark brown by the time she had turned nineteen and had married for the first time. Ever since those days, she’d had her
hairdresser make a weekly trip to touch up her three-color-process dye job at whatever mansion or villa in which she’d resided .

She'd had her boobs enlarged when she’d been twenty-five. That had helped her snag husband number two, the father of Dimples II. Having been a sun goddess to the extreme, she’d had her first face-lift done at the age of thirty-eight to get rid of her sun crinkles. By that time she’d also needed liposuction to get rid of all the pounds of fat she’d put on.

At least she’d had years of gourmet meals and fine wines to thank for that. Of course, she’d also managed to keep her full service bar restocked on a weekly basis. She’d been even thirstier than I! Unfortunately for Dimples, she hadn’t been thirsty for God. She had only been thirsty for whatever God could have done for her.

Dimples had given herself an early forty-fifth birthday present. That had been another face-lift. Unfortunately for Dimples, Dr. Peter Pimplehead had decided to get a little revenge on the beauties who had spurned him in his past. The delicate and darling Dimples was going to become his scapegoat.

When the bandages had been removed from Dimples’ previously perfect face, she had let out a shriek. Dr. Pimplehead had pulled her skin tighter than that of Joan Rivers.

There wasn’t a thing that could be done. There had been no skin left that could have been used to loosen her perpetual look of amazement. Perhaps, after she’d looked at herself in the mirror many times, she would have found other things to be amazed about. How about God, darling Dimples?

One thing was true about Dimples. She was a delicate-looking creature. It’s just that, in her case, her behavior was more like a “creature” than it was like “delicate.” Unlike her mother, Dimples II hadn’t been as blessed in the beauty department. Her broad and upswept cheekbones cast a downward slant on her wide-set eyes. That little girl also had an extremely large mouth in more ways than one, I can assure you!

Her hair was a wiry, mousy-brown, just like that of her Great Aunt Martha when she had been a young girl. She also seemed to inherit Aunt Martha’s gene for short and stout. Nevertheless her mother, Dimples, believed that her daughter was a beauty. Granted, Dimples II wouldn’t be winning the little girl beauty pageants in which her mother had captured many a crown.

There was one thing that this mother and daughter had in common. They were both a couple of spoiled princesses. It’s just that, for Dimples II, her unfortunate looks only served to become a chip upon her shoulder. It was also a chip that would soon become the same size as the chip on the shoulder of her Great Aunt Martha.

As I was saying, little Dimples II wasn’t so little anymore. She had just turned fourteen and she carried more than ten times that much weight on her broad five-foot frame. God had blessed her in one department; she had a chest that would be likely to give her back problems by the time she would become twenty-five. Given her short stature, her chest appeared even more mammoth. That “little” girl had already discovered how to use that to her advantage. I’m certain we’ll hear more about that once she discovers the budding adolescent boys of Bucksnort!

Author Davis Aujourd'Hui
 
Book Series"
Book #1 "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude"
Book #2 "Babes in Bucksnort"

Both are available in Kindle Format for $3.99

Buy Your Ticket for Extreme Fun and Take the Plunge!

“This is Sister Mary Olga Fortitude coming to you. Now class! My message to you today is about miracles. God knows that He has been working miracles in the lives of His babes in Bucksnort. In fact, He is working miracles in each and every one of your lives. All you haved to o is open your eyes and believe. Then you will see the wonders that are happening around you each and every day.”

Sister Mary Olga has more wisdom and insight into everyday things in my two books, The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude and in Babes Bucksnort. She never ceases to amaze us by reminding us about the little things that are so important in life. Take a page from her hilarious book and find out what happens to the citizens in Bucksnort.

Step back for a moment from your busy day, close your eyes, and think about the most fun you’ve ever had. It can be anything at anytime in your life. It can be when you were a child or maybe something funny that happened to you just last week. Now, remember that wonderful feeling of fun and how it made you feel, hold it in your mind, really feel it in your body with all your being, and savor it. I bet you’re smiling right now.

Make a conscious effort to incorporate fun and laughter into your life everyday. I guarantee the quality of your life will improve and you’ll begin to enjoy everything about what life really has to offer.

A simple way to gain fulfillment in your life is by reading a funny book. There have been scientific studies about all of the positive effects lighthearted humor and laughter has on the body and mind. Try sharing your fun with others by starting a book group and make sure that you’ve included a few humor books to round out the reading choices.

Pick up a copy of Babes in Bucksnort today and begin your extreme fun by taking the plunge!

"The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortidue" appears in paperback for $13.95 BUY HERE
"The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" also appears in Kindle Format for $3.99 BUY

"Babes in Bucksnort" available in Paperback for $13.95 BUY HERE
"Babes in Bucksnort" also appears in Kindle format for $3.99  BUY HERE

New Book Review: Humor! The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" By Author Davis Aujourd'hui

By Dorothy Thompson on July 22, 2011 at 3:00 pm


Davis Aujourd’hui is touring in October 2011 with his humor novel, The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude.

Are you ready for a class in Advanced Holiness for people from all walks of life? Then, perhaps you’re ready to take a trip to the Have A Heart convent in Bucksnort, Wisconsin. There, you’ll meet a nun you’re not likely to forget – Sister Mary Olga Fortitude.

The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude is a satire with a spiritual message, but there’s a lot of hanky panky going on here. Sister Mary Olga is an irreverent nun who has some unique spiritual views that differ from those of the Pope. She’s a great believer of “to each, one’s own.” She also loves her Marlboros and her bourbon. Just don’t let the Reverend Mother in on her secret. The next class in Advanced Holiness may be canceled.

Here in Bucksnort, you’ll meet a zany cast of all-too-human characters. There’s a lot of secret-keeping going on here, but Sister Mary Olga will be sure to deliver the goods in order to provide you with good and bad examples of holiness.

The Reverend Mother is a former prostitute. The convent’s chef is a gay cowboy. Priscilla Bunhead is the town busybody who opens some other closet doors. She, along with the other folks on Dinkledorf Drive, serve up examples of what not to do.

One thing’s for sure. These characters will lighten your load and help you to not take life so seriously. Get ready for non-stop laughs!

Babes in Bucksnort:

Babes in Bucksnort is the first sequel to the highly praised The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude. Once again the unconventional bourbon-swilling, chain-smoking nun will spin outrageously funny new tales about the residents of Bucksnort, Wisconsin while she tests the will of a reformed prostitute who just happens to be her Reverend Mother.

Unfortunately there’s trouble brewing in the Snortlands. The nasty and notorious town busybody, Priscilla Bunhead, goes on a crusade to stamp out what she calls the gay menace. That’s when she convinces her millionaire friend, Mildred Mayflower, to give away her fortune in order to bring the Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead and his Born Again or Burn Forever Disciples for Jesus to town to do the job. It will be an uphill climb for them when the closet doors of many gay people in the Snortlands burst open. Billy-Bob and his wife, Pinky Poo, will have another battle on their hands when Dimples Dufus, the heiress to the Mayflower fortune, arrives on the scene to reclaim her fortune.

You’ll also meet the hilariously bumbling, pothead psychiatrist, Doctor Wally Wacky-Wacko, who creates havoc for one of Sister Mary Olga’s favorite fellow nuns. Along with Mildred Mayflower, they become victims of his multi-colored pills that only turn them into zombies. The handsome and virile gay cowboy chef, Randy Cowboy, makes an important self-discovery about his never-ending sexual pursuits when he joins a twelve-step program called Sex Maniacs Notorious.

The irascible Martha Mayhem settles down into comfortable domesticity with her new life partner who happens to be her sister-in law. Martha still manages to stir up trouble on Dinkledorf Drive with her fellow enemies and neighbors, the prudish Priscilla Bunhead and the voluptuous Lula Mae Bunsaplenty. The question that remains is whether Lula Mae’s paramour, Jules Jesslike Pappas will put up with her continuing manipulative feminine wiles.

In between the laughs, Sister Mary Olga continues to dispense nuggets of spiritual wisdom during her classes in Beginner’s and Advanced Holiness. Just don’t take seats near the flatulent child named Fartley Dinkledorf or his lecherous one-hundred five year-old grandfather, Poopsy. The bottom line is that everyone is welcome in Sister Mary Olga’s classes. Join the diverse cast of zany characters for a joy ride that will tickle your funny bone until it aches.

A Teaser…

Speaking of looking up, that brings me to the subject of Sister Samantha’s secret. Lord, have mercy! Well now! I was extremely thirsty following my most recent week of penance on my knees in my humble little cell; so, I’d made a hasty visit to Randy Cowboy who was generous enough to give me a half gallon of Jack Daniel’s.


I threw caution to the wind and I ducked into cubicle number four where I began to have a few nips. Oh, I must confess the truth. I tied one on! By the time I’d passed out, I’d managed to refresh myself with almost half of that big bottle. Oh my!


Sometime during the night, I must have slipped off the toilet and landed on the floor. I didn’t wake up until the following morning; and, I must say, I had quite a headache! I also realized that I had partially slid under cubicle number three; and, I couldn’t get up.


Well, wouldn’t you know it, the restroom door burst open and I immediately thought that the gig was up. With my luck, I thought that it might be Mother Carmen and that I’d be sent back to my cell for another week of solitary confinement.


Fortunately, God spared me that ordeal and He had sent me an angel. It was Sister Samantha. Of course, I didn’t find that out immediately. Let’s just say that we both had a big surprise in store!


Well! There I was, with my head under cubicle number three, when I heard Sister Samantha singing Amazing Grace as she entered that very cubicle! Apparently, she was so moved by the Holy Spirit that she didn’t even notice my head facing up toward her toilet.


I closed my eyes in reverent prayer just as she was lowering her panties. As she was preparing to sit upon her throne, her habit swished over my face which brought me to attention. I opened my eyes by reflex. Boy, did I get an eyeful and I do mean boy! Sister Samantha wasn’t a woman! Lord, have mercy!


Well! It was a rather awkward situation to say the least! I had learned of Sister Samantha’s incredible secret. I also needed her help. What could I do, but gently murmur, “Please help me, Sister. I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”


Let me tell you, Sister Samantha might not have been a woman, but she let out a high-pitched scream that sounded like a woman giving birth. She jumped off her pot and she whooshed her habit off my pleading face. If anyone else could have seen us at that very moment, I’m sure that both of our faces would have appeared beet red.


Well! If either of us had had a blackmailing bone in our bodies, we both would have had sufficient ammunition to use against the other. Suffice it to say, each of us took a higher path except Sister Samantha had the higher advantage at that moment.


Well, that little woman proved to be very strong. She grabbed me under my arms. Then she pulled me right under the partition of cubicle number three and out onto the restroom floor.


Even though I was feeling very shaky, in more ways than one, I managed to get myself up and onto my wobbly legs. Well, what could I say besides, “Thank you;” however, given the situation, it seemed that something else might be in order.


I felt rather like Little Red Riding Hood when she discovered that her grandmama was actually a wolf. The nice thing about my situation was that Sister Samantha wasn’t about to eat me up. I decided right then and there that I wasn’t going to give her up.


“Sister,” I said. “How did you ever pull it off?”


That’s when she told me her story. You see, Sister Samantha just happened to have been born in the wrong body. She was really every bit as much of a woman as myself with one notable exception. God sure works in mysterious ways!

Sister Samantha was the most beautiful child. She was christened “Bobby O’Reilly” and she was her mother’s only son. As it had turned out, he was her only daughter too.


Mother and child lived with Bobby’s grandmother on the family farm. He was conceived on Christmas Eve and he was born on the harvest moon of the following year. It was a fruitful harvest, in more ways than one! He was his mother’s pride and joy as well as being the favorite grandchild of his elderly grandmother. Little Samantha or, should I say, little Bobby was a perfect angel.


On his first day of school, his mother dressed him up in knickers and she sent him off to the Baptist academy in his hometown which was located in a little parish similar to our own. When he returned from school, both his mother and grandmother were in for a big surprise.


Little Bobby had discovered the academy’s Good Will clothes closet and he had decided to change his outfit. When he returned to his grandmother’s farm, he was wearing a dress, high heels, and he had braided his long locks into a perfect French braid.

Grandma O’Reilly chastened her daughter by exclaiming, “Whatever possessed you to send Bobby to school like that?”


Bobby’s dumbfounded mother simply stared at her son and said, “I didn’t!”


That was just the beginning. By the time Bobby was in high school, he had run off to the big city and he had started living as a woman. He had the most gorgeous natural female breasts and he began to receive hormone shots that made him the envy of the big city drag queens.


He named himself Samantha Monet and he decided to seek fame and fortune as a female impersonator. With his new female voice, he could hit a high C and he was soon performing in the big city clubs and making big money.


One of his favorite routines involved him dressing as a nun. It only seemed fitting since he had converted to Catholicism and he had decided that, once he’d had a taste of the world, he was going to become a nun. Sister Samantha was a smashing success as she wooed the crowds with her renditions of religious songs that soon won converts to her beloved Savior.


Sister Samantha was planning on having a sex change, but a part of her believed she was born in a man’s body to teach the world a lesson in tolerance of those who are different from others. Well! Sister Samantha had already taught me a lesson!

Please note that this is only available in Paperback and Kindle formats.

Thank you!

A Book and a Chat with Davis Aujourd'hui on Blogtalkradio

If you missed the show you can click on link to listen:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/across-the-pond/2011/07/16/a-book-and-a-chat-with-davis-aujourdhui

Davis Aujourd'hui outrageously funny book entitled “The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude". With a title lihke that you know there are bound to be plenty of laughs during the show. I hope we also learn about his two under production books "Babes in Bucksnort" will be the next book in the series to be published followed by “Have A Heart.”


A former social worker, having worked for Adult Protective Services in New York State for nearly twenty years. Davis developed the characters within his books in order to entertain a colleague of his using the gift of humor.

"The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortute"
Paperback Book: $13.95 Purchase here
Kindle Format: $3.99 Purchase here

"Babes in Bucksnort"
Paperback Book: $13.95  Purchase here
Kindle Format: $3.99  Purchase here
Do not forget you can send a Kindle as a gift to anyone that has an email address!

Guest Blog Post of Author Davis Aujourd'hui with Barry

When I first started finding out about today’s guest and his books, first thing that caught my eye was his name, rather pen name… Davis Aujourd'hui remembering my French, Aujourd'hui means “today, which in the case of Davis is a good name. The author himself has gone through demons, and his book "Putting the Pieces Together” is an anthology of a gay man's journey toward self-acceptance. It is a poignant and intimate book chronicling recovery from mental illness, sexual addiction, and alcohol. But what of Davis…today. His wonderful delve into the world of Holiness “The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude” is a satire with a spiritual message.

Take a trip to the Have A Heart convent in Bucksnort, Wisconsin. There, you'll meet a nun you're not likely to forget - Sister Mary Olga Fortitude. Sister Mary Olga is an irreverent nun who has some unique spiritual views that differ from those of the Pope. She's a great believer of "to each, their own." She also loves her Marlboros and her bourbon. Just don't let the Reverend Mother in on her secret.

In Bucksnort, you'll meet a zany cast of all-too-human characters. There's a lot of secret-keeping going on here, but Sister Mary Olga will be sure to deliver the goods in order to provide you with good and bad examples of holiness.

The Reverend Mother is a former prostitute. The convent's chef is a gay cowboy. Priscilla Bunhead is the town busybody who opens some other closet doors. She, along with the other folks on Dinkledorf Drive, serves up examples of what not to do.

One thing's for sure. These characters will lighten your load and help you to not take life so seriously. Get ready for non-stop laughs.

This first book has been followed up by “Babes in Bucksnort”, where you meet t the Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead and his Born Again or Burn Forever Disciples for Jesus. There is as we learned a third book currently in the editing stage.

Davis told us during the show that he already has twelve books written and the ideas just keep flowing, so you know this series that will have you laughing out loud, will soon be filling people’s book shelves.

So listen to an interesting and hugely entertaining show as I spend thirty minutes sharing "A Book and a Chat with Davis Aujourd'hui".

Barry

A Book and a Chat with Davis Aujourd'hui - Keep Saturday July 16, 2011 Open

RADIO SHOW:

 “A Book and a Chat with Davis Aujourd'hui”

Saturday July 16th – 11:00am EST

Listeners can call to speak directly to Author Davis Aujourd'hui 347- 237-5398

Location: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Across-the-Pond

Barry Eva (Storyheart)

Author of "Across the Pond"

Radio Blog: http://abookandachat.blogspot.com
Humor Blog: http://laughithoughtmytrouserswouldneverdry.blogspot.com/
Across the Pond Blog: http://acrossthepond-storyheart.blogspot.com
Blog Talk Radio Show: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Across-the-Pond
Book Site: http://across-t-pond.com/

Happy 4th of July to You and Your Families!

Have a fun and safe Holiday!

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

What’s in a Name?

Names are tremendously important and they can actually drive our imaginations as we plot a course through our daily lives. It’s a way we make a connection with people, places, and things. Different names mean different things to different people. Many wonderful images come to mind with the words hot fudge sundae, Hawaiian Islands, and freshly baked bread. Just as some unsettling images come to mind with the words dentist, taxes, and death.

The definition of “name” simply means a word or words by which an entity is designated and distinguished from others. Names that identify people are a way that we separate one person from another. From a name, we can then create nicknames or pet names. Names are much more powerful than we realize and the beautiful part of it is that everyone has one.

For example, according to the new Urban Dictionary, the name “Robert” means the most incredible guy in the universe, end of story. He's sweet, caring, and truly amazing. “Tiffanys” are usually very loyal and intelligent people who usually don’t trust many guys. These definitions may sound a bit silly and contrived, but it still helps us to imagine what a “Bob” or a “Tiffany” looks like and how we independently interpret these types of names in our mind's eye.

I’ve decided to put a comical twist on the character names when I created the spunky little town of Bucksnort. If a name can help conjure up an image of a person, then the residents of Bucksnort have won several gold medals in the category of madcap character names. Every time you read some of the character names laughter will billow up from your belly from my new novel The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude.
What does your active imagination invoke with the names of Priscilla Bunhead, Lucy Lovely, and Ms. Lula Mae Bunsaplenty? Oh my! Not to mention, more hilarious townies with the names of Diddles Dinkledorf and Baby Burpee. And one of my personal favorites, perhaps most flagrant or should I say flatulent, Little Fartly Dinkledorf! You won’t be able to contain your laughter and you’ll learn some positive morals along the way.

But don’t just take my word for it! You’ll just have to find out through Sister Mary Olga’s journey of the many entertaining antics in The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude.

Fartley Dinkledorf Meets The Wrath of Lula Mae Bunsaplenty

Now! Poor Fartley didn’t quite make it to home base on the day of his unexpected laxative treatment. As he ran along Dinkledorf Drive, he realized that he couldn’t make it the distance from the one last house before he reached home. God was calling to him in the most urgent and fundamental manner. He ran to the backyard of his next-door neighbor’s, Jules, home and he made a beeline for the bushes in front of Jules’ bedroom window.

It was late in the morning and Lula Mae Bunsaplenty had finally made it out of her bed. At the very moment that she was pulling up the window shade, Fartley was pulling his pants down. She let out a “harrumph!” Then she let out a bellow louder than Bessie the cow when she saw that little boy coating the bushes in a most repulsive manner.

Lula Mae took Fartley’s act very personally. She made her own beeline to the backdoor. She was especially cranky since she hadn’t had her fix of her morning coffee. That little brat wasn’t going to get away with giving Lula Mae a brown mooning to soil her morning! Uh-unh!

Poor Fartley was just about to pull up his pants as Lula Mae was rounding the corner. On her way outside she’d managed to grab a big rubber spatula from the kitchen. Before Fartley knew what was going to happen, Lula Mae began to thwack his chocolate-coated hiney with an ungodly force. Let’s face it, Lula Mae had plenty of momentum since her hefty arms were the size of whole hams!

Fartley wasn’t used to getting a thrashing and his fanny had already suffered plenty of abuse that morning. The little boy yanked up his pants and he went running home, crying a river of tears following his escape from the wrath of Lula Mae. As he did so, Lula Mae let out a self-satisfied

“Mmm....hmmm!” Then she headed back into her house to get herself perking with some cafe au lait even though she no longer required it for her morning jolt. She was wide awake now.

Author Davis Aujourd'hui

Sister Mary Olga Book Series:
"The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" (Book 1) Kindle $3.99
"Babes in Bucksnort" (Book 2) Kindle $3.99

New- "Putting the Pieces Together" Kindle $2.99