Wednesday, August 24, 2011
MEET THE SNATCHASNITCHES
After all, her father, Abner Snatchasnitch, was in his fifties when she was born. Her mother, Lilliliver Lipstick, wasn’t far behind. They were basically two big children who thought that they owed it to themselves, as well as to the world, to birth themselves a baby.
Lilliliver Lipstick had married Abner, a three-time loser in matrimony, when she had been forty-four. Perhaps she had settled in her marriage to a Snatchasnitch. After all, time had been running out and she had wanted her own little Senorita. She had immediately put Abner on the alert that he would be at her
beck and call whenever the basal thermometer suggested the temperature was just right to bake a baby. Abner hadn’t had any problem with that. His pendulum was always ready to swing to kingdom come whenever his lassie was home.
Now! It’s not that I’m calling Lilliliver a dog. She is attractive in her own sort of way. It’s just that she’s badly in need of makeup tips. You see, Lilliliver basically resembles a little boy who has rouged himself up before smearing on bright red “I love Lucy” lipstick. To disguise the passage of the years, Lilliliver had opted to color her stringy and pale, wheat-colored hair. It’s just that the result of her dye job resembles the convent’s dishwater after dinner. Let’s just say that her grooming efforts aren’t exactly electrifying!
Abner isn’t exactly the material for Gentleman’s Quarterly. His Sherlock Holmes look is a bit dated. It makes him appear as if he’s a contemporary of Diddles Dinkledorf who is nearly twenty years his
senior. It’s lucky for Senorita that she has inherited features which resemble those of their handsome milkman, but you didn’t hear that from me!
Anyhow! Senorita is a little Miss Know-it-all who doesn’t care whose face she rubs it in, including mine. She’s a sassy lassie who has intimidated almost all of the other girls, not to mention some of the boys. Something tells me that our little eight year-old is worldly beyond her years. On her second day in class, I caught her showing Fartley Dinkledorf how to swing his own little pendulum to dinkledorf-dom in the class lavatory during recess. Let’s just say that I ended that play period prematurely!
Author Davis Auhourd'Hui
"The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" Book #1
"Babes in Bucksnort" Book #2